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   [ 5 posts ] Average score:  

was it good??
Poll ended at Wed Jul 22, 2015 1:46 am
no 14%  14%  [ 1 ]
It could be a bestseller!! 43%  43%  [ 3 ]
it be better with LOTS of editing 29%  29%  [ 2 ]
not too shabby 14%  14%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 7
Author Message
 untitled but really good please read (not the tittle) ch.2
new

Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:31 pm
Posts: 19
Sat Jan 03, 2015 1:46 am

Before I start the story... THANK YOU FOR SUPPORT!!cheeky  It has been really helpful and don't forget suggest a titte THANKS!!! now back to the story hope you enjoy it!!

                                                                                                                                                                  

During the assbly kids play around, teens talk about school and tests and studing and ect.  And preteens which is the group I am in just talk. So are lots of people behind me. I started looking around me and found my best friend, Bella Drews. She finally notices and we talk about school and home and other things. After that I turn my focus to the level thirteen BSU (Brtual Sucrity Unit) he gave a lonoog speech and after that we ate. 

It was all gray and dull and tasted bad. They gave us this because they were glad we even came

                                                                                                 

when got home I went to bed. Our socity bedtime was strict. You had to be home before 10:00pm or you will get tested. Some people have scars from the testing. Then I went to get a glass of water and all of sudden my mom shouted in a panic "ALICE HELP ME!!". All I knew was some the had happened. It wasn't good.                                                                                                                                                                         

Don't forget to post feedback and suggest a tittle. Thanks for readingcheeky




 Re: untitled but really good please read (not the tittle)
new

Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:15 am
Posts: 849
Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:20 pm

//@ambershore26; All that I'm noticing that is wrong with your story is that it would need to be longer, and there are errors or typos with spelling and punctuation. Also, the lines are formatted in a difficult way. You could space twice, which would have worked fine.

 

I'll show you how I would have typed out that section of the story. 

 

 

During the assembly, kids play around, teens talk about school, tests, studying, and the preteens, which is the group I am in, just talk. There are lots of people behind me. I started looking around and I found my best friend, Bella Drews. She finally notices me and we talk about school, home, and other things. After that, I turn my focus to the level thirteen BSU, the Brutal Security Unit, he gave a long speech and after that we ate.

 

It was all gray, dull, and it tasted bad. They gave us this, because, they were glad we even came.

 

When I got home, I went to bed. Our society bedtime was strict. You had to be home before 10:00 pm or you will get tested. Some people have scars from the testing. Then, I went to get a glass of water and all of a sudden, my mom shouted in a panic, "ALICE, HELP ME!!" All I knew was that something had happened. It wasn't good.

 

 

I would have placed a space between //we ate....// and //It was all gray....//. I'm not sure if that would be considered the correct editing, as you could place what the letters mean in parenthesis. Remember capitalization, punctuation, and spelling along with the formatting times, and it would be good. You could space twice before typing a paragraph, it may help give the indenting you might want. I cannot give you a title idea until I see more of your work and get an idea for your story of what it is about. All I have for now would be //The Society//, //Girls in the Society//, //The Girls Society//, although, those ideas seem rather plain and typical.//

 

-*Zirconia




 Re: untitled but really good please read (not the tittle)
new

Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:31 pm
Posts: 19
Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:54 pm

Thank you for your feedback @darkrising6 sorry for the typos and errors I'm just is fouth grade and new to this book writing process, but thank you for your feedback and tittles for the book. It really helps the writing process speed up.                                                    THANK YOU!!           




 Re: untitled but really good please read (not the tittle)
new

Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2012 7:15 am
Posts: 849
Tue May 05, 2015 11:42 pm

//@ambershore26; You're welcome. The typos and errors are alright, even for one in fourth grade, as every author makes errors and typos in their stories/articles.//

 

-*Zirconia




 pretty please with cherries on top. and whip cream. and ice
new

Joined: Sun May 17, 2015 4:39 pm
Posts: 112
Fri May 22, 2015 9:48 pm

   Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease keep writing. Pretty please. Pretty please with cherries on top. Pretty please with whip cream and cherries on top. Pretty please with whip cream and ice cream and cherries on top. Plz.plz.plz. that story is soooooooo good. 




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