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 vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:41 pm
Posts: 87
Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:59 pm
                                        vampires obsessions     

chapter 1

"Why is the subway always quiet at 2:oo in the moring?" i muttered to myself.
In America it's busy with tons of people, but in europe it's like a graveyard?As i walked out of the subway and into the bitter cold of the moring i could see all the people that dare go into the dark.For me i'm used to the lights and the nosie,but i'm really scared of the dark.Besides this is alittle town and very creepy to me.the town it's self is spooky.Iget near my apartment and look for my key, but my unsteady hand made it worse and it drop on the floor.I try to look and then i see it,glisting in the moonlight.I started to reach for it when i touched something cold and then it tiggled up my spine.Then a slim well figured man gives me my key.

"Sorry i spooked you like that." he said

I couldn't move or even speak,he was the most beautiful man i ever saw.His slick brown hair looked so soft i had to tain myself from touching it and his emerld eyes , they were drawing me in ...i snapped back into realitly.

"Umm i-i it's ok i'm used to it" i said in a wearly voice.

"So whats your name?" he asked

"Cree and you are...?" i said.

He seemed to be looking past me like  he was trying to  reading my mind.

" name is izzy." izzy smiled.

That's when i saw his teeth.They where so white and i swore i saw a fang but it was problemly my imagination.
"Well thank you for finding my key." i said hurriedly and opened my door.He was still standing there looking at me, i could feel it.Then my hair standed on end when i heard his voice again

"So i'll see you later then?" izzy said.

"um ya ok" i said.

I turn around to see his face but he was gone.I then went inside and closed the door to the bitter cold that awaited me tomorrow.I couldn't get any sleep that night. I was tossing and turning.All i could think about was him.His shining white teeth and his overated beautiful didn't seem natural.Then as i finaly drift off to sleep. I thought i heard him call my name but i was asleep by then.

 Re: vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 10:17 pm
Posts: 7808
Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:52 pm
great job writing! is that guy a vampire?

 Re: vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Mon Jun 11, 2007 12:51 pm
Posts: 7835
Sun Aug 24, 2008 3:54 pm
Oooooh! Vampire! :smileywink:
It's a bit awkward though. Some of the word choice and descriptions don't seem quite right, and it would be better if you made more paragraphs.
Otherwise, though, it's really good!
Post more!
                         v   r
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rainbow (skies are blue)


 Re: vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:25 pm
Posts: 38
Sat Aug 30, 2008 12:41 pm
I like it a lot. Though you need to work on your grammar a bit lol im the same way. And it is a bit awkward to read try letting it flow in place if you know what i mean. Laters

 Re: vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:17 pm
Posts: 5
Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:03 pm

 Re: vampire obsessions-chapter 1

Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:29 am
Posts: 41
Wed Nov 14, 2012 12:16 am
(suspiscious face) Do you read the Twilight Saga? Cuz you sould a lot like Stephanie Meyer (which is a good thing; she is an awesome author, I should know, I've read the Twilight Saga 5 times!!!)!

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