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   [ 3 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 Wake Up...
new

Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2014 1:09 am
Posts: 1
Fri Dec 26, 2014 1:26 am

Ty sits alone in his so-called room. It was more of a cell where he lives.He looked at his wings and tail "Why am I like this?" he yelled to his reflection in the small mirror "I hate it!" histears slowly flowed down his pale cheeks "Help me." He hugged a small, losely stuffed peice of cloth against his small, frail body and slowly fell asleep

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Ty's POV 10 years later (16 years old)

"Ty?" a small voice whispered "TY!" 

"Fie more minutes...?" I mumbled 

"No! It's the day they let us out!" I shot up from my spot on the hay covered floor "Already?"

"No," Sky said sarcasticaly "In five years!" Sky is a brown-haired boy with a grey shirt and jeans, he also wears sunglasses so I've never seen his eyes. Oh! He also wears a golden necklace with a purple jewel in the middle. I, however, have an emo styled kid of hair that's brown with blackish-purple at the end of the bangs. I wear a white v-neck tee-shirt and grey pants. Black and purple wings and a tail. I have a headsetwith a purple jewel in them.

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Hello! Up sorry for un flowy-ness because I suck at writing and sorry forspelling mistakes and grammar mistakes!

- 3ll13

 




 Re: Wake Up...
new

Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:12 pm
Posts: 2
Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:44 pm

This is a great start..keep writing..




 Re: Wake Up...
new

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:13 pm
Posts: 3
Tue Mar 31, 2015 4:47 pm

The message got through ^^  You just need a better writing technique...

Besides that, your story is amazing! You should keep writing it, and if you'd like, I could help you :) I've been studying different writing techniques and ways to call the reader's attention. I've also written a few books and novels myself...

What I'm trying to say is that you can keep writing your extraordinary book and I could add the final touches (or edit). Your story would be as you want, I'll just change a bit he order of some words to make it more intense. In other words, I could be your first aid kit ^-^ If you feel uncomfortable with me, being a guy, editing your awesome story, my little sis, Bonnie (loneangel35) is also really good at writing books. She is the one who made me a bookworm! ^^

I'll totally respect whatever your decision is…

“Enjoy the little moments in life, for one day you’ll look back and realize that those were actually the biggest moments you ever had…” – anonymous

 

-Sam (slycobra51)




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