Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 11 posts ] Average score:  
Author Message
 What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 6:46 pm
Posts: 106
Thu Feb 05, 2009 7:01 pm
  Over the years we have had great president. Look at Franklin Roosevelt. People believed that he could stop the Great depression. People also believe that Barrack Obama can help sort out America's economy. That is why he became our 44th presedent. "They were more worried about the economy then there own religion," quoted my Social Studies teacher. Some peoplebeleive that this nation shouldn't be run by an athius and a muslum. But Obama's mom was an athius and his dad was a muslum. His grandmother rasied him as a christian.
With Franklin Roosevelt it worked. He was able to handle The Great Depression and World War II. Lets see if Barrack Obama can handle the Second Great Depression of America's Economy.
We are living in history! The first African-American presedent has taken the oath. A years from now our ansesters will know that we had lived in this time.
If God wants him to be presedent then let him be presedent!   

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2008 4:40 pm
Posts: 1530
Fri May 22, 2009 6:33 pm
I agree with you!

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:05 pm
Posts: 858
Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:51 pm
Barack is cool! You are totally right!!!!!!!!!!

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:43 pm
Posts: 190
Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:34 pm
I suppose we, as children, don't yet have much of a voice when it comes to politics. Isn't it just something to think about the fact that we're in the middle of the depression? Do you mind if I write something about that?

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:56 am
Posts: 4314
Sun Oct 04, 2009 4:04 pm
Well now, I want to state my opinion....
 I don't hate Barack, but I disagree with some of his ideas. He should at least give America a say in what happens.

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 4:05 pm
Posts: 858
Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:46 pm
We were in a recession before Obama took over..

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:48 pm
Posts: 2891
Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:47 pm
Well, I don't really know what to say. I'm not really in-touch in what is going on, except Barack Obama's speech a while ago on TV to the kids in school, but, I guess that might be all I'm in touch for.


 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:22 pm
Posts: 3690
Sun Jan 17, 2010 11:21 am
            I agree! There are a lot of people out there that are saying Barrack Obama is a horrible president. I think he just made a few mistakes. he's a new president, after all.
                       2) With all of his new medical bills and new laws and stuff like that, he's brought down unemployment a LOT! My cousin's dad lost his job, and they already had to move because of a job once! Now they have to move AGAIN!!! And I talk to my cousin on skype! I just got used to her time zone! I don't want to have to get used to ANOTHER time zone! Unless it's mine. But I feel bad for all of those unemployed people!!!!!!!
           He's new at the job, so we should forgive him for his mistakes. I still think that he should correct his mistakes, though.
                                                          - Teresa

Message Edited by Write_It_Moderator on 01-25-2010 10:05 AM

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 7216
Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:32 am
Just wanted to point out really quick that we're not in a depression, but a recession. It's not nearly as bad.
As for Obama, I don't really agree with his views on a lot of things, but I do think that we should support him, because he IS our president. I don't like the way he's handling things, yes, but if someone from another country starts bashing him or something, I'll definitely stand up for him. :)
"Today is everything."

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 478
Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:40 pm
Hey Kouronie, thanks for posting this short opinion piece. You do a good job of using history to connect to what you're saying. It's also good that you quote your teacher in order to refute something with which you disagree. I do have a few suggestions, just general editing things:

In the first sentence, 'president' should be plural - 'presidents.'
Our president's name only has one 'r' - 'Barack.' (I had to google it to make sure, so I understand it being tricksy!)
Your teacher didn't "quote" that sentence - quoting is what you're doing by repeating it. Try a verb like "commented."
Spelling: atheist and Muslim (also make sure you capitalize Muslim and Christian)
Do you mean "a few years from now" instead of "a years"?

Thematically, it might make more sense if you talk about the FDR and Obama comparison all at once, instead of on either side of talking about your teacher. It seems that you have two main things you're addressing here, the economy and religion. Try starting out with the first one and then moving on to deal with the second. Also, you don't necessarily explain why it's important that Obama's grandmother raised him as a Christian - it suggests that your teacher's comment is unnecessary (American Christians didn't have to choose Obama in spite of his religion because he was raised as a Christian himself), but it's unclear what you're persuading your audience of with this. Keep the big picture in mind and consider your audience so simpleminded that you have to explain every connection and intention very clearly and explicitly. That is, you give us a fact but not your commentary on it or application of it; with the point about FDR and the economy, what you're saying is much clearer. "Let's see if Barack Obama can handle the second Great Depression" is a direct audience appeal, so you've done a great job of letting us know what you want us to do. Is your final sentence, the one that says we should support our president because he's been chosen by God, the conclusion/appeal of your earlier argument about Obama's religion?

Again, thanks for posting this! Keep writing. :)

 Re: What I think of Barack Obama

Joined: Thu May 12, 2016 2:05 pm
Posts: 50
Wed May 25, 2016 4:24 pm

I agree. But some of the laws he passes I disagree with.

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 11 posts ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team