Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  
Author Message
 WM's Untitled, ch.7, part 2

Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:30 pm
Posts: 411
Mon Aug 30, 2010 8:12 pm
For some reason, I couldn't post this all as one chapter. I tried twice and it still wouldn't let me.

      "My name," the girl said in a soft, low tone. "Is Miranda. I am Number 13"
      Without warning, Miranda rushed at him. When he thought she was going to crash into him a cool breeze pushed into him, and she ended up behind him. She had passed through him. Although he knew she had not made physical contact, he was still pushed to the ground by an invisible force. Quickly, he hopped back on his feet, not wishing to look like an idiot. Miranda had returned to her perch on the crumbling wall and was examining something in her hand, deep in thought.
      "What was that for?" David asked, angrily. Glancing up as if she hadn't known he was there, Miranda stared at the object in her hand before giving him a quizzical look.
      "Catch," she said, tossing David whatever she'd been holding. Catching it, he looked at what she'd thrown. It was a smooth, grey stone, completely round with a dark blue crown engraved in the center. David was reminded of Beth's toy jewels, and was sure this rock wasn't natural.
      "Destiney Stone," Miranda murmured. Even before the words were out of her mouth, a dark blue light had started to surround David. Fueled by the stone, tha light strengthened, bathing him in the dark glow. A strange tingling began  to creep up his spine. This weird feeling was similar to when the alien had possessed him. But ti was different. More calm and relaxed. Almost peaceful. Enchanted, David loosened his grip on the stone, nearly dropping it. The connection ended, blue light fading away.
      Snapping back to reality, he saw a touch of interest creep onto Miranda's face. Seeing him watching her, she hastened to wipe all emotion from her body. She stepped of the wall, nimbly landing on her feet.
      "Wait, where are you going?" David asked.
      "Where are we going," Miranda corrected him. "You're coming with me."
      You're coming with me. It was a statement, David noted, not a question. It wasn't "Will you come with me?" You're coming with me. For some reason this sent chills down his spine and a warning flare went up in the back of his mind.
      "You don't have a choice," she said, reading him perfectly. "He'll come back and invade your mind again, probably with some precautions set up. You must come with me."
      "Okay," David said, accepting that, as Miranda had pointed out, he had no other choice. "But where are we going?"
      "You'll just have to wait and see," she replied, ambiguously. She motioned for him to came beside her. He did what she said, covering the distance in a few strides. Once he'd reached her, she placed a small round piece of machinery in front of them.
      "What's that?" David wondered, pointing at the machine.
      "It's an A.T.A.P.M." she told him. When he made no sign of recognizing the name, she sighed and said,"It's an Ancient Trans Aura Portal Maker."
      "Oh..." David said, still not fully understanding what it was.
      "We use it to travel to other worlds," she explained.
      "Other worlds? Really?" he marveled.
      "There are many things you do not know." Leaving it at that, Miranda kneeled by the machine, touching its top. A  bright green oval expanded from the machine. It grew to be about six feet high and four feet wide. Grabbing David's hand, Miranda dragged him through the portal.

"It's not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do."
                                                                                         - Lightning

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team