Post Work in Progress for Peer Review


Welcome to Write It, the home for young writers. Post your works-in-progress and get feedback or give your opinion on your peers’ creative writing. Try a step-by-step writing workshop, then publish your writing online.

You’ve probably noticed we’ve made some changes to the boards! Find the boards for Underground Railroad historical fiction, Science Explorations, Scholastic News, and more right here.

Looking for our boards dedicated to favorite series, authors, and causes? You'll find them on THE STACKS. Head on over for the Buzz Board, Harry Potter, Save the Planet, Goosebumps, and more!
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  

Is it good?
Yes! 100%  100%  [ 1 ]
No 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Kind of 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
It needs more work 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total votes : 1
Author Message
 Ziggy- tale of a toy fox (this is a work in progress)

Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 7:56 pm
Posts: 19
Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:26 pm

Ziggy- the tale of a toy fox


Hello there! My name is Ziggy, and I am quite pleased to meet you. I’m a stuffed toy fox, and I live squished on a shelf in Toyworld, Hamilton. One of my neighbours on this awful shelf is Margret, a spoilt pink cow who does nothing but eats candyfloss, apply make-up, and sing.  My other neighbour is much nicer than Margret. She is a lovely ginger-coloured horse called Ginger. She is always kind to me, and every night at Toy night, when the workers at Toyworld have gone away, she lets me jump on her back to be her ‘official’ rider. Margret, of course, is the rider of a lovely cream coloured horse called White Sparkle Pretty Magnificent. My neighbours haven’t always been Ginger and Margret. A month ago, my neighbours were Pigling, a dirty pink piglet who loved nothing more than getting muddy, but had to keep clean because he was supposed to be a pink pig and a vulture called Peck who was most unpleasant. The only time us toys ever speak to humans, is when we are first made. We only speak our names, nothing else. I called myself Ziggy because we had to choose the first name that popped into our heads and since Ziggy was that name, I named myself Ziggy. When I first came to Toyworld, I was just a cub. My neighbours then were a rather unpleasant teddy bear called Sawed and a small dachshund by the name of Polly. Ginger was my first friend at Toyworld. Now, enough with the introduction- on with the story!

Chapter one

 Best Toy Night ever!

One night, we decided that we should have a proper party. It was Toyworld’s 10th anniversary. All toys that were ten years old- (that included me and Ginger) were the stars of the party. Margret wasn’t pleased. Pink cows were a new fashion. Margret was the last of them though, along with Lily, Emily and a couple of others, they were so popular when they first came out that there were hardly any left. The oldest of them was only about 2 years old. I was there when Toyworld opened. Ginger was about ten spaces away from me then- every time a new toy was sold, we shunted along and there was a new gap at the end of our shelf for a new toy. This night, we decided to go walking and buy a few decorations. We bought 10th anniversary balloons, gold streamers and a big banner. We also bought red, blue and pink paints and markers. The neatest of us would write ‘Happy 10th anniversary Toyworld’ and the most artistic of us would decorate it. The giraffes were in charge of putting everything up. Me and Ginger were supposed to be decorating- Ginger partly because she was a horse (Hoof prints look great on banners) and partly because she had an eye for creativity and me because I am imaginative and artistic. I put my paw in the pink paint and pressed it down on the paper. “Ziggy, with brushes!” someone I didn’t know exclaimed, but Ginger said “No, it’s a great idea, really imaginative!” Suddenly, everyone wanted to do paw/hoof/tail prints.  In about half an hour the banner was finished. Then, prizes were awarded for animals of the Night. “The prize for the most enchanting singing goes to… Margret the pink cow!” exclaimed Dug the prize-giver. I knew it. Margret strided up to the stage and received her medal. I had only received a medal once, for riding the cleverest pony, and that was six years ago. “Prize for the most artistic hoof prints goes to… Ginger the ginger horse!” exclaimed Dug. There were only three medals per night. I wondered who would get the last one. “And, last but not least we have the prize for the most original and creative idea for the banner goes to Ziggy the red fox!” I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, receiving a medal on the most important Toy Night since the opening night ten years ago?! And with Ginger as well?! I went up and stood there, my medal glinting against my rusty red fur. “Here standing before you, we have the medallists of the most important Toy Night in ten years. Margret, the Pink Cow, Ginger, the ginger horse and Ziggy the red fox. Congratulations!” announced Dug. Everyone clapped. We went to take our seats at the food table. Two gold- trimmed seats sat at either end. Those must be for the medal winners I thought. Ginger and I took our seats on one set of two down the end closest to our shelf, and Margret beckoned to Lily and they sat down on the other set of two. We had a great feast and at six o’clock we all cleared it up and scrambled back up to our place on our shelf.

It really was the Best Toy Night ever.

Chapter two

Owner, at last!

That was the last Toy Night I ever had. Same with Margret and Ginger. As soon as Toyworld was open again, a girl of about five years old went up to the front desk. “I want a pink cow!” she demanded. Her mother frowned at her and said “What Melissa wanted to say do you have any pink cows?” “Yes” said the shop owner simply. “Follow me” Melissa and her mother followed the shop owner. He picked up Lily and Margret. The others had been sold the previous day. “This is all we have, I’m afraid” he said. Melissa snatched Margret out of the shopkeeper’s hands and said “I want this one Mummy!” “Yes dear” said Melissa’s mum. “How much?” she asked the shopkeeper. “$40. They’re on demand at the moment, so we have to up the price on the ones we have left. There are only about 10,000 left in the world, and four in New Zealand. Two of them are here, two of them are in Invercargill.” said the shopkeeper. Melissa’s mum paid, and she and her daughter left with Margret. The toys all shuffled along. “Hey dude, how are things going here?” said my new neighbour, a donkey. “The name’s Russell” he said. I didn’t like him. I suddenly noticed a blonde haired girl of about ten walk into the shop. She looked perfect. I hoped she would buy me, and Ginger too. She had a t-shirt on saying “Foxes rule, Horses forever!” A good sign. Sure enough, she walked right over to where Ginger and I were staying perfectly still. She picked Ginger and me up and read our labels. “$10, bargain!” I can buy these, and still have enough money left for some toy brushes to groom these guys, too!” the girl exclaimed. This girl is my sort of girl I thought to myself. The girl took Ginger and me to the section where all the toy brushes were. She took two brushes off the shelves marked ‘Fox’ and ‘Horse’. She took us to her mother. “Mum, can I have these? They’re $30 altogether. Please?” she begged. “Yes Ashleigh, you still have $5 left, what do you want to do with it?” “Just give it to Mac” Ashleigh said.  While Ashleigh’s mum went to tell Mac about the $5, I decided to tell Ashleigh that we could talk. “Ashleigh” I said. “Down here.” Ashleigh looked down, horrified. “Y-you can talk? Ginger too?” she said. “Yes.” I told Ashleigh. I then told Ashleigh the whole story. Then Ashleigh’s mum arrived. “Don’t tell her we can talk. Don’t tell her anything” I whispered. She nodded. Ashleigh carried me to the counter. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt” whispered Ashleigh, pointing to the scanner. She placed me and Ginger on the counter. When our labels were scanned, Ashleigh gently pulled them off. I grinned. I felt so free without that label. “Come on, let’s go find Mac” said Ashleigh happily. We saw what Mac was looking at. “Oh Mac, not Paw Patrol!” Ashleigh exclaimed. She rolled her eyes. “Little kids” she whispered to us. She left Mac and went back to where she had found us. She asked “Are there any pink cows left here?” “Please don’t tell us you like pink cows, they’re awful snobs!” Ginger exclaimed. “No, I hate them, but my sister Belle has her heart set on one.” “Yes, there’s Lily left” I said. We told Ashleigh where Lily was, and Ashleigh grabbed Lily, and then took her to Belle. “Thank you!” Belle exclaimed. She took Lily to her mother. Ashleigh’s mother bought Lily. “You’re lucky” said the shopkeeper. “There is only one pink cow left in the whole of NZ now, and only 9,998 left in the world” she said. “Wow, pink cow shortage!” said Ashleigh. I laughed silently. Mac came with a Paw Patrol Pup Pad and when it was paid for we all went outside the shop.

That was the first time I’d ever seen outside the shop.

Chapter three

Here comes the snow

I knew it would start to snow soon, being the end of May, but I never expected it to snow so soon. But today, the 26th of May, there was so much snow that Ashleigh didn’t have to go to school. Ashleigh celebrated the snow by giving me a bowl of meat and a bowl of hay to Ginger. We ate the food quickly. Ashleigh picked us up. “Come on Ginger, Ziggy, let’s go!” Ashleigh exclaimed. She dressed as warm as she could. She got a tiny hat for each of us that used to be her brother’s and sister’s. We all went out in the snow. The first thing we saw was Mac sitting on a soft patch of snow, playing on his Paw Patrol Pup Pad. Ashleigh rolled her eyes. She took us away from Mac. In the other direction was Belle, cradling Lily in her arms. “Good Pink Cow” she crooned. “Nice Lily” Then, spotting us, Lily said “So how are you going with the older sister? Is she treating you well?” “Yes, she’s great” Ginger said. “How’s Belle?” “She’s amazing! Look at what she gave me!” said Lily. She displayed a pink cardigan and a small pink shopping bag. She took something out of the shopping bag. She held them up. The things were five pink lollies. “She spoils me, Belle does” said Lily. At that very moment, Ashleigh headed down the drive towards the next-door house, ending our conversation. The neighbours were great. They gave Ashleigh a hot chocolate and they pretended not to notice when Ashleigh offered a sip to us. We went back feeling very happy. Then, I remembered something. “Does Belle know a girl called Melissa?” we asked Ashleigh. “You bet she does!” Ashleigh replied. “They started the Pink Cow Fan Club. Anyone who has a pink cow is allowed to be in. Melissa let Belle in because she promised to get a pink cow if she could be in. The Pink Cow Fan Club has 12 members and they meet every Monday after school.” “Oh, and a few more things, Melissa has two pink cows. One of them is from here and the other one is from a shop in Germany. She went there with her mum and dad. Melissa’s an only child, and her two cows are called Margret and Schön. Schön means beautiful in German.” “Great, thanks for that” we said. Then Ashleigh fell down in the snow. We were worried that she was hurt, but then we saw that she was making a snow angel. That was the first time I ever saw snow.

It was more beautiful than I ever imagined.

Chapter four


The new pet

One day, Ashleigh’s mum came back from work with some exciting news. “Guess what guys?” she said when she opened the front door “What this time?” asked Ashleigh. “Another pay rise?” “No silly. We’re going to get a new pet!” Ashleigh’s mum said. “Really? Is it going to be a dog, or a cat?” Ashleigh asked. “I don’t know, maybe a dog” Ashleigh’s mum replied. We didn’t get to hear any more of that surprise, as Mac pulled Ashleigh out of the room. We didn’t want to play with Mac and his toys. We wanted to hear more about the new pet. But, seeing as Ashleigh was dragged away, we were dragged away also. “Look Ash, the new Zuma’s Pup House that can turn into a hovercraft and floats in the bath has come out! It comes with Callie stuck on a boat! Zuma can sit in the hovercraft; Callie can come out of the boat and everything. How do I know all this stuff you say? I’ve got it myself!” “Mum bought it for me as a birthday present, but I’m not allowed to open it until tomorrow, my real birthday.” said Mac very quickly. He sounded excited. Ashleigh rolled her eyes. I knew she must be thinking the same thing as me.

Tomorrow was going to be chaos.

Chapter five

Mac turns seven

Tomorrow came so quickly. “Wake up Ashleigh, it’s my birthday!” said Mac, bouncing on Ashleigh’s bed. “Happy Birthday Mac!” exclaimed Ashleigh at once, swinging her legs onto the floor. I could see that she was trying to sound cheerful, but I knew she was really feeling sleepy and a bit annoyed at being woken up. She didn’t show it though, for Mac’s sake. The now seven year old seemed so excited. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She picked us up out of bed and trundled sleepily after Mac, who was heading downstairs. Ashleigh was greeted with complete ignorance as her Mum and Dad wrapped Mac up in a big hug. “Happy birthday Mac!” Ashleigh’s Dad said. “Seven! How old you’re getting!” Ashleigh’s Mum exclaimed. Ashleigh looked at Mac rather sourly as she got out the packet of Cocoa Balls and tipped the whole lot into her bowl. There was not much there. She didn’t care though, I suspected. I knew that she must be rather happy, for Cocoa Balls were Mac’s favourite cereal. Mac was too busy hugging his Mum and Dad to notice. Ashleigh threw the empty box into the recycling, ate her Cocoa Balls as fast as she could, and got out some Cornflakes, Mac’s least favourite cereal and her second favourite. By that time, Mac was looking in the cupboard for the box of Cocoa Balls. “Mum, there are no Cocoa Balls!” he exclaimed. “Will you make me some toast instead?” “There’s no bread” Ashleigh said simply. “Pancakes then?” Mac said hopefully “We’ve run out of eggs, you know that!” Ashleigh snapped. “Bacon and eggs?” Mac tried yet again. “How many times do I have to tell you? WE’VE RUN OUT OF EGGS!!” Ashleigh was getting really cross now. “Muffins?” Mac asked. That time it was Ashleigh’s Mum who stopped him. “You are not having muffins for breakfast, young man, I don’t care if it’s your birthday!” she said when Mac had opened his mouth to protest. Mac shut his mouth. “Do you mean to tell me, I don’t have anything for breakfast?” Mac asked. “You have muesli” Ashleigh said. “On my birthday?” Mac whined. Ashleigh was beginning to feel sorry for her brother. She leaned close to his ear and whispered “If you have Cornflakes or Muesli, I’ll give you some of my jelly babies.” She said. Of course, she didn’t really mean it. Mac ignored her.  “Six bits of bacon, and I want the nice bacon, not the stringy one that tastes like ham, some noodles, the thick kind, not the thin kind that Ashleigh always eats. Oh, and a glass of orange juice” Mac told his Mum. “Okay” said his Mum wearily “What would you like Ashleigh?” she asked. “Some bacon and rice would be great and, like Mac, I want the nice bacon. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.” Ashleigh said. “Oh, and some milk please. And a bit of hay for Ginger and some bacon for Ziggy.” She added. I could tell Ashleigh’s Mum didn’t really want to give bacon and hay to us, but all the same, she gave us the bacon and hay, put on small white plates. She even gave us tiny glasses, with a tiny bit of water in them. We ate our meal. It was delicious. Ashleigh took us out into the garden. The snow was still there. Mac ran out into the snow a moment later. He said “Ash, what did you get me for my birthday?” “I got you nothing” Ashleigh said. “But Ginger and Ziggy gave you some hay. You can pretend that’s a present from me, too.” She offered Mac what was left of Ginger’s hay. Mac took it, looking upset. “Come on, let’s go and play with my bow and arrows” Ashleigh said to us and she raced off back into her house. We played bow and arrows for a bit until Mac’s friends arrived. Mac greeted his friends. I wanted out of the house and I could tell Ashleigh did too. She decided to take us back to the pet shop so we could see our friends. 

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
   [ 1 post ] Average score:  

PRS © 2008 PRS Team